Reader Response: On Marriage, Gender Roles, Submission, Scripture, God’s Sovereignty & Grace
One of the most popular and controversial posts on my little blog is Lowly Woman: Cook, Clean, Make Babies & SUBMIT to Your Husband.
Tonight, the post received a comment that I really appreciated. I really enjoy interacting with my few readers!
I started writing an email response to him, but it got pretty long so I thought I would just publish it as a blog post. In order to full appreciate the context, you might want to read the complete referenced post.
“Brandon” submitted the following comment:
Hi, this is in response to your post: “Lowly Woman: Cook, Clean, Make Babies & SUBMIT to Your Husband“. My wife, we are both new too our faith, has taken the scriptures on a wife’s role distressingly. There have been many times when she comes to me in tears and we seem unable to find “adequate” answers through praying or other knowledgeable Christians.
Her biggest issue is why God declares that women can’t be spiritual leaders like pastors in a church and why did He deem that only men should have leadership roles? Honestly, it is a bit unsettling for me as well. I try to tell her and myself that it has nothing to do with superiority but I guess we are still blinded by our human perceptions of pride and worth.
If you have any input on this it would be much appreciated. Thank you.
First of all, Brandon… thank you for writing!! I really appreciate your thoughts, honesty, and the desires in your message. I sense a real “seeker’s heart”. Thirst for God’s truth is awesome.
I hope this is not too disappointing, but I will not have a magical cohesive and conclusive answer for you. However, I am humbled to share some of the thoughts and considerations. Some of the thoughts below may seem like “cop outs”… but, I don’t think they are….
Real Marriage Conference – Session #3: Selfish Lovers vs. Servant Lovers with Q&A
Selfish is innate to the human condition! Due to the nature of sin, we are ALL sinful. That usually manifests itself as different types of selfishness. Pride is the default of the human heart. Selfish and “alive” are synonyms. That includes YOU and ME!
Under selfishness is pride. We think that whatever we want, desire, or are doing is more important than others’. We think, but don’t say… “Don’t inconvenience me with you… you and I should both agree on how important I am”. Selfish people get married and have miserable lovers… that’s just the way it works.
On a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is Jesus… how would you rate your selfishness?
Our world and lives encourages selfishness.
Martin Luther said “Sin is the self bending in on the self”.
Part One of the Real Marriage Conference Series - Session #1: Friend (Not Plural!) With Benefits.
Part Two of the Real Marriage Conference Series - Session #2: Sex: God, Gross, or Gift? with Q&A.
Part Four of the Real Marriage Conference Series - Session #4: Can We [insert something sexual]? with Q&A.
Selfishness & Pride
Proverbs 8:13: “The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.”
Proverbs 16:5: “Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the LORD; be assured, he will not go unpunished.”
Proverbs 16:18: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
- “In pride… we don’t love or serve our spouses… we USE them for our desires and purposes.”
- “Self esteem”, “self activation”, “positive self image”… all are pride.
- In American culture, pride has become an extolled virtue, not a vice.
- God’s Plan A is humility. His Plan B is humiliation.
- We should pray to be clothed in humility. This enabled us to put on the cloak and disposition of Christ.
- In Western culture, pride is something that should be aspired to instead of repented of.
- You can never be proud of your humility…. that defeats the reality of humility! However, you can be someone humbly pursuing humility.
The Little Stuff: Joyful Marriage Love in Making the Pillowy Bed Every Morning
All too often you hear stories of ”Tornado Husbands” that unnecessarily and inconsiderately leave a wake of disarray as they meander through their homely habitats. Wives will inevitably feel frustrated, resentful, exhausted, disrespected, offended, overwhelmed, sad, and more. Yes, there is definitely a balance to this, but more often than not, men get lazy. Yes, days can be long and exhausting, but get over yourself.
I remember the beginning of our marriage, after my brand-spanking new wife and I started living together, I was and am still amazed by the “little stuff” that matters to her. Do not misunderstand me, I am not complaining! I am merely an amateur anthropologist documenting surely staggering phenomena. Since I am the most perceptive husband in the world, I have observed the following [...]
The Dream Team: Being Irrefutably & Joyfully United in Your Marriage
We had a wonderful discussion at bible study / small group last night that I definitely want to share with all of you. This simple analogy may seem a bit macho, but I assure you it is powerful and can transform how you relate, live, and communicate with your spouse.
Consider how your approach to so many aspects of your marriage would change if you looked at your marriage as a truly united and cohesive TEAM.
Focus on Your Marriage During the Holidays, Plan Your Commitments
It is amazing how we’ve made holidays that should be peaceful, relaxing, and loving into hectic mad-houses of frustration and exhaustion. We all seem to have this tendency to over commit and over extend ourselves with trips all over the state to appease parents, grand parents, sibling, aunts, uncles, family friends… the list is endless.
In the endless pursuit to make everyone happy, we grumble, have crappy attitudes, criticize, complain, yell at each other, only to get to our location and engage with family with exhaustion and superficiality. In doing this we risk emptying our marriages / families of love, compassion, and understanding.[...]
