In the [CNN] News: Does the Black Church Keep Black Women Single?

I recently read this article and experience a wide array of emotion: sadness, anger, compassion, and frustration. I would say “pardon me while I get on my soapbox”… but I will not. I have no problem defending the faith and Christ’s sacrifice and design for marriage. My goal here is to not be a jerk, but to affirm Christian Marriage.

I am slightly hesitant about commenting on this given I am not an African American man or woman… but, last time I checked Christ was a colorblind, resurrected Jewish Messiah. His Church should be colorblind. The “Body of Christ”, aka, the Church, is a beautiful, multicolored, patchwork quilt. My post is in reference to the church, marriage, and dating… NOT African American people.

Here is the link to the article referenced in this post: CNN.com – Does the black church keep black women single?. While you could go there and read the article, I am copying and pasting many points from it in the text below. Quite a few articles could be written about some of the claims / issues in the article: men’s issues with the church, too much reverence for a pastor, the culture of Christianity in the South, using Church as a dating service, and more… but I will stick to the main claim about the Church “keeping women single”. [...]

Team Hoyt – How Hard Are You Willing to Work for Your Family?

You may have seen one of these emotional and inspirational videos before. That’s OK. Watch it again.

The journey of Dick and Rick Hoyt is one of the most wonderful heart-string-pulling stories you have probably ever heard or seen. During birth, Rick Hoyt’s umbilical cord wrapped around his throat, depriving him of oxygen. Doctors diagnosed Rick with spastic quadriplegia and cerebral palsy. Doctors told his father, Dick, that he might as well file Rick away because he would never be able to have anything resembling a normal life. They were very wrong…

They eventually competed in over 1,000 races, which include marathons (26.2 miles), duathlons, and triathlons… 6 of which were Ironman Triathlons (2.4 swim, 112 mile bike, and 26.2 mile run). They also biked and ran across the entire U.S.A for a distance of 3,735 miles in 45 days.

The Hoyt’s story made me ponder… how hard am I willing to work for my marriage?[...]

Devotional: Vices, Virtues, & Fruits of the Holy Spirit – Galatians 5:19-26

In the bubble of Christianity, it is inexplicably easy to get “overwhelmed” with internal theological or apologetic debate. Dissecting scripture to find “objective truth” is sometimes difficult as we try to understand and “pin down” the lines we should not cross. We question whether or not certain actions, activities, or choices are OK, and try to define (and sometimes wiggle into or out of) the black, white, and gray areas.

Most of us most of us know plenty about the Bible and Christ. What if all someone knew were these words from Christ: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:27). Imagine what the world would look like if we stopped reading the Bible and simply lived out only the stuff we already know. [...]

Sermon – Andy Stanley – Guardrails – Why Can’t We Be Friends?

In this wonderful sermon, Andy Stanley of Northpoint Community Church teaches on “Guardrails” and how they can apply to our friendships. Guardrails are “a system designed to keep something from straying into dangerous or off-limit areas.” Guardrails create a small accident to protect you from a larger incident. We rarely pay attention to or think about guardrails until we need them. When we need or use them, they can save our lives.

Applied to our lives, spirituality and relationships, guardrails can help guide and protect us. In this context, Andy redefines guardrails as “a standard of behavior that becomes a matter of conscience”. Most likely our biggest mistakes in life could have been avoided if we had guardrails steering us in the right direction.

Read on for the 6 Guardrails for Friendship[...]

Devotional: Honor Your Wife Even When She’s Not Around – Bounce Your Eyes, Mind, and Heart

While I was strolling with my wife on a quaint beach-town promenade in Orange County, California, I thought about how even the most well-intentioned man is a soldier storming a land mine field of the best stereotypical model bodies money can buy.

As I am everyday when I leave the house, I was reminded of the importance of “bouncing my eyes”. This  tried-and-true technique for protecting your mind and honoring your wife is taught by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker in Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series)

However, I also thought about what it would mean to my marriage and relationship with God if I also “bounced my mind” and “bounced my heart” [...]

A Quick Guide to Being the Perfect Husband – “What Would / Did Jesus Do?”

Men… how would you feel if every time you poured your heart out to Christ, He responded with…”Will you please hurry up and get to the point. Not this again! Really, guy? I’ve listened to this SO many times. Why can’t you do this right? You are like a broken record. I’m tired of listening to this, you’ve had your share of grace. Blah blah blah blah. Jesus… out”.

In my head, this is where Jesus forms His holy (yes, that has dual meaning) hand in that goofy, hackneyed pinky-thumb phone structure and hangs up from the prayer.

While I definitely do not talk to my wife like that, surely I do in my actions more often than I should (which, of course, is never). This quick example really made me think about what it means to be the “Head” of and Christlike figure in my marriage in how I love and serve my sexy wife. [...]

Devotional: For Better or Worse, In Health & If Handicapped – A Love Story Excerpt

I read the selection below in James Merritt’s How to Be a Winner and Influence Anybody: The Fruit of the Spirit as the Essence of Leadership.  Merritt actually excerpted the passage from David Ireland’s book Letters to an Unborn Child. Ireland had a debilitating neurological disease that confined him to a wheelchair. He knew he might never have the opportunity to enjoy a relationship with or see his unborn child grow up, so he wrote a book with letters to the unborn child.

God desires to change our hearts and reveal his beauty, love, and sacrifice to us more than he seeks to use his God-magic-wand to change the circumstances. [...]

Sandals Church Sermon / Small Group Notes: John 13 – Love & Servanthood

We have a stupendous church with amazing teaching and a fantastic small group. Every week my wife and I lead a small group bible study, and I figured since I take lotsa’ notes and actually spend time preparing for it every week, I might as well post them for you. I’m going to make it easy on me by posting them in information “note” format. Hopefully you find this both useful and helpful. Please give me feedback and let me know.

When I create posts like these, I will try to include the following:

• A quick overview of the sermon
• My notes / thoughts from the sermon in bullet point format
• Discussion questions
• Paste the scripture we read aloud in small group
• Provide a link to the sermon

This week’s sermon was on John 13… which was about Christ taking on the position of a lowly slave and washing the gross, dirty, horse-manure caked feet of his disciples.

Pastor Rick Warren’s TED Talk: A Life of Purpose & What’s In Your Hand?

In July 2006, Rick Warren gave a poignantly powerful and incredibly inspirational Ted Talk lecture on God having an intentional purpose for our lives. He also explained how God uniquely designed and empowered each of us with talents, skills, strengths, gifts, and resources for which are both responsible and accountable. Watch this lecture. [...]

Get Over Yourself: A Tantalizing Tale of Doing the Dishes in 6 Minutes 42 Seconds

I have decided “Get Over Yourself” will be a regular column here at Christian Marriage Spice. This series is aimed mostly at men. I seek to lovingly hold the fellas accountable for… well… not being lazy and inconsiderate bums and on serving their wives. The best way I can do that is by sharing stories of me being a punk. I ask you to hold me accountable on this as well. Perhaps this series will be a bit more blunt than others, but that is OK… get over yourself.

Be forewarned, I have Quentin Tarantino-ed you by telling you the conclusion of this story and will now invite you on the journey of how the story unfolded in my ridiculous and over sized head, as I was alone at our quiet suburban home on an overcast Tuesday in March of the year 2010.[...]