Real Marriage Conference – Session #3: Selfish Lovers vs. Servant Lovers with Q&A

Real Marriage Conference – Session #3: Selfish Lovers vs. Servant Lovers with Q&A

Selfish is innate to the human condition! Due to the nature of sin, we are ALL sinful. That usually manifests itself as different types of selfishness. Pride is the default of the human heart. Selfish and “alive” are synonyms. That includes YOU and ME!

Under selfishness is pride. We think that whatever we want, desire, or are doing is more important than others’. We think, but don’t say… “Don’t inconvenience me with you… you and I should both agree on how important I am”. Selfish people get married and have miserable lovers… that’s just the way it works.

On a scale from 1 to 10, where 1 is Jesus… how would you rate your selfishness?

Our world and lives encourages selfishness.

Martin Luther said “Sin is the self bending in on the self”.

Part One of the Real Marriage Conference Series –  Session #1: Friend (Not Plural!) With Benefits.

Part Two of the Real Marriage Conference Series –  Session #2: Sex: God, Gross, or Gift? with Q&A.

Part Four of the Real Marriage Conference Series –  Session #4: Can We [insert something sexual]? with Q&A.

Selfishness & Pride

Proverbs 8:13: “The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.”

Proverbs 16:5: “Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the LORD; be assured, he will not go unpunished.”

Proverbs 16:18: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

  • “In pride… we don’t love or serve our spouses… we USE them for our desires and purposes.”
  • “Self esteem”, “self activation”, “positive self image”… all are pride.
  • In American culture, pride has become an extolled virtue, not a vice.
  • God’s Plan A is humility. His Plan B is humiliation.
  • We should pray to be clothed in humility. This enabled us to put on the cloak and disposition of Christ.
  • In Western  culture, pride is something that should be aspired to instead of repented of.
  • You can never be proud of your humility…. that defeats the reality of humility! However, you can be someone humbly pursuing humility.

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Real Marriage Conference – Session #2: Sex: God, Gross, or Gift? with Q&A

Real Marriage Conference – Session #2: Sex: God, Gross, or Gift? with Q&A

This second session of the Real Marriage Conference with Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll focused on the topic of sex.

It must be interesting for Pastor Mark and Grace to talk openly so often in front of thousands of people on this topic! All of the sessions were incredibly insightful, and this session was definitely not an exception.

Part One of the Real Marriage Conference Series –  Session #1: Friend (Not Plural!) With Benefits.

Part Three of the Real Marriage Conference Series –  Session #3: Selfish Lovers vs. Servant Lovers with Q&A.

Part Four of the Real Marriage Conference Series –  Session #4: Can We [insert something sexual]? with Q&A.

The Beautiful Purity & Design of Sex BEFORE Sin

Genesis 2:18-25 contains the story of sex before sin.

Genesis 2:18-25:” 18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adamthere was not found a helper fit for him. 21So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.22 And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

The core message here, is that sex without shame, anxiety, pain, baggage… it was pure.

Below are a few other observations from this text:

  1. God made us male and female with equal dignity and differing roles.
  2. Love is more like a song than a math equation.
  3. Marriage is for one man and one woman by God’s design.
  4. God created our bodies and sexual pleasure “very good”.
  5. All sex outside marriage is a sin.
  6. Sex is to be without shame.
  7. Your standard of beauty is your spouse.

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Real Marriage Conference – Session #1: Friend (Not Plural!) With Benefits

Real Marriage Conference – Session #1: Friend (Not Plural!) With Benefits

Yesterday and today, my lovely wife and I went to the Real Marriage Conference, with Pastor Mark & Grace Driscoll, at Crossroads Church in Corona, CA.

This post and the following posts are my notes from the event. After all the posts, I will also post general reflections.

Part Two of the Real Marriage Conference Series –  Session #2: Sex: God, Gross, or Gift? with Q&A.

Part Three of the Real Marriage Conference Series –  Session #3: Selfish Lovers vs. Servant Lovers with Q&A.

Part Four of the Real Marriage Conference Series –  Session #4: Can We [insert something sexual]? with Q&A.

  • Across all major research, the #1 thing that couples say they want is friendship.
  • Friendship is an eternal attribute of God. The God of the Bible exists in eternal friendship. Jesus had close friends and lived in community while on Earth. Another way to think about it… God is a friend who has friends.
  • The real problem in all relationships and in the world is sin, and the answer is Jesus.
  • Friendship with Jesus is the key to and the only way to have real friendship in your marriage. 
Surrendering to The Precious Good News & Being Divinely Equipped for the Great Commission

Surrendering to The Precious Good News & Being Divinely Equipped for the Great Commission

The Gospel and the Bible are so challenging… yet so simple.  It is truly incredible that short or common passages constantly speak the same Truths throughout centuries… to you, me, and others in different ways.

In a recent small group we were led to explore and pray through the following passages. We only had ~15 minutes to pray and journal, but I feel God really illuminated scripture to me and impressed his Truth, love, and sacrifice on my heart in that short period of time.

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An Evening with Francis Chan @ Crossroads Church in Corona, CA

An Evening with Francis Chan @ Crossroads Church in Corona, CA

Last night, my wife and I, along with friends from our church went to Crossroads Church in Corona, CA for “An Evening with Francis Chan”. The evening started with great worship led by Rend Collective Experiment, a worship group from Ireland, and Rachel Chan (Francis Chan’s daughter), followed by a message from Francis Chan. As expected, the message was simple, yet incredibly convicting and challenging.

One of the most beautiful elements of Christianity… is that while doctrine and theology can be quite “thick” and there are lot of smart-sounding -ologies, -isms, -ications, etc… the message of the Gospel is elegantly simple. Jesus was God in a human body, who loved and served all of humanity past, present, and future, by sacrificing his perfect life, being brutally murdered on a cross, coming back to life, and going back to God the Father. Through His sacrifice, we get to experience a real relationship with the Creator of the Universe… the one, true, living God. As part of that, Christians are charged with serving humanity as Christ did, for the purpose of professing and multiplying Christ’s name to the nations.

Francis Chan is one of my favorite pastors. I have read all his books: Crazy LoveForgotten God, and Erasing Hell.  He obviously deeply loves Christ and serves him well. He is one of my favorite pastors not just because he is a great and passionate communicator… but because the Holy Spirit and the gift of joy-in-Jesus just exudes from him. [continue reading…]